your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
