You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
