I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
