you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
