he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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