i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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