Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
