It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
