from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
