we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
