At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
