I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
