Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
