Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
