Please, let me fuck your mom
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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