How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
