So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
