A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
