Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
