he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
