Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
please come you make the beer taste better
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
