so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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