I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
