Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
