Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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