This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
