Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
