I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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