We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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