So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
