Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
