Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
