i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
