cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
