I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
