Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
