He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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