so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
