then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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