I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
