I don't think brook has ever known best
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
