While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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