clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
