we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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