My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
