i love accidental penises.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
