i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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