Don't you send me to vm
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
