Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
