Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
