living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
