This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
