I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
