my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
