Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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