Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
