if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
