Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
