I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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