i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
