Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
